Maybe I'm ready to throw it all away

Going, going...gone.

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The (Dreaded) Summer Wind
"Then softer than, a piper man -- one day it called to you
And I lost you, to the summer wind"

Last summer I lost my lifeline, and it nearly killed me. This summer, I'm losing two. Here's hoping this doesn't turn into some sick, cosmos-organized tradition to toy with my emotions.

I never realized I was capable of feeling inexplicable and unjustified affinity for people until I met them. I don't know why I fiercely love them, when I started, and how; but I guess all reason loses meaning when people feel this much. Maka blogged recently about how you sometimes feel an unspoken connection to people, because these people know you in a way that other people don't; because they've seen you change, and they've let you change. I commented with, "and those that let you change are perhaps the ones that love you the most." Funny how that line's come back to bite me in the ass.

Last night, we agreed on a bucket list -- things we need to do together before they both have to leave. We listed down plans that have been in the making since one full year ago, plans that have no chance of materializing, and plans that are downright T.G.I.S. (I jokingly suggested we should have a studio pic taken, and Mikey LOVED the idea. Haha.) I never told them, but I'm adding one more thing to the bucket list.

1. To let go. Happily. Because they need/want change. Because you love them without question.

I have a month to work on it. Good luck to me. My eyes are trained on the loss to come, but at the same time I know this sudden turn of events bodes well for all of us. Change on my end, change on theirs. I'm crossing my fingers the trade-off will be worth it.

Growth is the watchword.


But goddamnyou, summer.


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